


Beautiful Disaster

by WolfAndHound_Archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Marauders' Era, Romance, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-07
Updated: 2004-09-07
Packaged: 2018-05-18 20:16:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5941720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfAndHound_Archivist/pseuds/WolfAndHound_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sirius Black is sometimes more than Remus can take.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Beautiful Disaster

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Lassenia, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Wolf and Hound](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Wolf_and_Hound), which was created to make stories posted to the Sirius_Black_and_Remus_Lupin Yahoo! mailing list easier to find. However, even though I still love the fandom, I am no longer active in it and do not have the time to maintain it. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in December 2015. I posted an announcement with Open Doors, but we may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on the [Wolf and Hound collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/wolfandhound/profile).

Sirius Black had just walked in with James Potter. Nevermind the latter, Sirius was my focus. It's not as if I don't love James. I do, just not in the same way as I do the tall raven haired dark angel, who is his best friend. They both spotted me and walked over. "Hey Moony!" called James fondly. I smiled up at them from my seat by the fire. The Common room was cold, and we, by we I mean the Marauders, tried to steal all the warm ones. It worked every time because we were sixth years. They both sat down beside me. "Where is Peter?" James inquired .

" He left for the library five minutes ago, why?" I looked at Sirius who was unusually quite. That bothered me. "Good!" James said falling back in his chair. Sirius rolled his eyes.

"Why is that good?" I asked innocently.

"He talks too much. The whole school will know what Sirius did.. ." I turned back to Sirius who looked up at me. Our eyes met for what seemed, to me, like an hour. Than they turned angrily to look at James.

"It's not important James..." he started. His husky voice dangerous. It was than that I knew. Whatever he did had to be as bad as the Shrieking Shack accident, or worse. Suddenly I don't want to know.

"He stole a motorbike!" James happily exclaimed. He seemed more thrilled than Sirius, but I knew better. Sirius was a Rebel, a dare devil to the extreme. He got pleasure out of his dares. That perhaps was his flaw. Our flaw. I drew back to reality.

"A what?" I asked.

"A motorbike, a Muggle thing I think..."

"Oh..." I said thinking. I had seen something like that in a Muggle magazine. Sirius saw me pondering, and cut in. "There's no way anyone will know, Remus." he said with a smile. It made me melt.

"Oh," said dumbly. Get with it Remus. Come on, don't fall for him.

"I thought maybe we could, I don't know,... go for a ride. If you want too." He contended quickly with a squeeze at my hand. That's it, I thought, as I looked into his stormed tossed eyes. Those eyes still amaze me today. Almost twenty years later... "Okay,..." I said quietly. James, who was watching this with a sly grin, rolled his eyes. He stood and made up an excuse about seeing Lily Evans, a girl in our year that he was dating . As I look back on those times, when our love for one another was new, I remember other times some not so happy.


	2. Two

_He drowns in his dreams_

An exquisite extreme I know

__

He's a damned as he seems

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But more Heaven than a heart could hold

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Sirius made it hard for me to love him. Mainly because he was such a rebel. He had almost no regard for the rules. He made so many mistakes. It mostly started in our fourth year.

"Aw, come on Jamie..."

"No, Sirius, I'm not going to sneak up to the Slytherin House with you, that's suicide!"

"Not if we use your cloak." Sirius whispered back with a grin. I walked up behind Sirius and James when I saw them muttering excitedly. Peter followed.

_And if I tried to save him_

My whole world could cave in

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It Just ain't right

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It Just ain't right

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"Right, the cloak." James said grinning evilly.

"What are you guys planning?" Peter said as we all sat down in the Great Hall for dinner. I noticed Sirius rolled his eyes as he sat across from me. "Explain, James." he said. James nodded, then leaned across the table. I leaned in as well.

"All, right here's what we're gonna do. Tonight, as our dear Slytherin friends sleep, we gonna sneak in, and..." James' voice faded out as I looked up at Sirius' face. He was so beautiful to me, even then. Looking back on everything, that's what got me hooked, his beauty.

_Oh and I don't know_

I don't know what he's after

__

But he's so beautiful

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Such a beautiful disaster

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I remember that night clearly. After all, that night was the start of many nights. But, that particular night it was cold. Snow was falling outside, and it felt as if my bones froze up. James held the invisibility cloak close to him. I held the Marauder's map. Sirius led us down the dark corridors. His long raven black hair flowing behind him in the cold air. I was drawn in.

_If I could hold on_

Through the tears and the laughter

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Would it be beautiful

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Or just a beautiful disaster

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	3. Three

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If I could hold on

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Through the tears and the laughter

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Would it be beautiful

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Or just a beautiful disaster

__

__

Tears, crying and screaming. My tears, my screaming. Darkness. Oh so much darkness. My eyelids were heavy, and so were my limbs. I hurt. Something deep down inside of me ached ,and when I opened my eyes I knew why. It had been months since the cold night we snook up to the Slytherin dorms.

Since then we had escaped trouble many times, and even Peter was feeling quite full himself. Though, for Sirius it wasn't enough. We needed to push further, or rather he, needed to push further. I looked around the room. The first thing I saw was Sirius' broken form.

_He's magic and myth_

As strong as what I believe

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A tragedy with

__

More damage than a soul should see

__

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Out of all the people I thought would possibly betray me Sirius was the last. How stupid could I have been? To trust someone so damaged inside with my heart.

Then Sirius looked at me and all I wanted to do was give myself to him. To give my all. And I hated it. I hated him. Such a disaster.

_And do I try to change him_

So hard not to blame him

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Hold on tight

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Hold on tight

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	4. Four

Two months later we attended a dance together. It was our way of "coming out". Sirius was Beautiful in blue robes. And the way he smiled at me made my forget how mad I was at him two months ago. He took my hand, and guided me to the dance floor. We both tuned out the whistles and catcalls, and swayed together. I looked into his stormed tossed eyes, and I knew that I was domed. I was falling, and I loved him. Such a disaster.

_I'm longing for love and the logical_

But he's only happy hysterical

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I'm waiting for some kind of miracle

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Waiting so long

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"Remus?" Sirius' voice has brought me back to the present. I look up at him. He is healthier theses days. Now that the war is over, and his name is cleared, he has less to worry about. He smiles at me eyes full of love. I smile back. He sits beside me on the couch in the flat we share.

"What were you thinking?"

"About you." I say simply.

"And all of the mistakes I've made."

"Mostly." Sirius smiles sadly.

"I did one thing right." I give him a questionable look. "I fell in love with you." I smile and laugh at the sappy comment. Then I realize he is not laughing. "It's the truth, Rem. You saved me." I look into his silver eyes. Eyes that have not changed. Then I realize that neither has he. He is still as reckless as ever, that will never change. But there is a knowing twinkle behind those eyes

as he pulls me in, and kisses my forehead. 

"I love you." I whisper. 

"I love you too." 

And I fall, into the harmfulness he was. We fall together. He is beautiful, my beautiful disaster.

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He's soft to the touch

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But frayed at the ends he breaks

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He's never enough

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And still he's more than I can take

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End file.
